Janeway hesitated in the hall for a brief moment, listening intently to the sounds on the other side of the door. Laughter, and lots of it, mingled with familiar voices and clanging glasses. Another year had gone by and that meant another anniversary celebration with the family, or what was left of it. She really didn’t like coming to these events every year. While she enjoyed seeing her friends again, her life remained empty, devoid of all the happiness she could have had over the years if only she had forgiven herself for past mistakes, and she never felt more alone than at these gatherings.
“You can do this,” she reminded herself again. She quickly put on her party face, the one that said “I’m Kathryn Janeway. Everything is well,” and entered the last reunion she would ever attend.
The party was in full swing, and as she glanced around the room she recognized most of the faces, though there were a few new ones. Apparently, some of the remaining single members of the Voyager crew had settled down and married or had more children since the last reunion.
And then she spotted a strangely familiar face, even if significantly older than the last time she had seen it. In four years the young man had aged and grayed severely, but that’s what usually happened with Starfleet Captains. She grabbed two glasses of champagne from a passing drink server and headed directly toward him, nearly being run over by Naomi Wildman’s daughter along the way.
“Here you are…Captain,” she said with a smile, offering Harry Kim a glass.
While they chatted a few moments, she had to constantly remind herself to pay attention to every detail since this was probably the last time she would have to spend any quality time alone with Harry. She had to make these memories last the rest of her life, no matter how long or short that may be.
Harry talked briefly about his deep space mission before moving on to other important things like Tuvok’s declining health and eventually to Chakotay’s funeral.
“I’m sorry I missed it,” he said. “I should have been there.”
Janeway’s face tightened in response. “You were on a mission,” she explained, unable to meet his eyes. “Everyone understood.”
She was having a difficult time remaining in control of her emotions and needed to remove herself before her expression gave herself away. She met his gaze a final time and warmly rubbed his arm, consoling him like she had when he was a budding ensign and needed support. “It’s good to see you again, Harry,” she said and turned away, heading to the opposite side of the room where B'Elanna was.
“This is not going well,” she mumbled under her breath. “Stay focused and you’ll get through this night.” She sipped from her glass for some added courage.
“Admiral, I didn’t think you were coming,” B'Elanna said as Janeway approached. “You’re usually one of the first ones here.”
“Old age must be catching up to me,” she joked.
B'Elanna laughed as she took in Janeway’s glamorous appearance. “If only we could all age so gracefully.” She turned her back to the crowd for a more intimate talk and Janeway followed.
“I’m glad you showed up. I wanted to talk to you about something serious.” When she was sure she had Janeway’s full attention she continued. “There are rumors about you going around. I thought you might want to know.”
Janeway seemed unimpressed. “Honestly, if every Admiral was afraid of some rumors about them we’d all be in a lot of trouble.”
“I’m the first to admit I love gossip, Admiral, and normally I wouldn’t bring this up, but something tells me it’s more than just a rumor.”
Janeway cocked her head in interest.
“I’ve heard from a reliable source you’ve developed a holo addiction.”
“This ‘reliable source’ wouldn’t be your daughter, would it?”
“Miral mentioned it to be a while back. She’s the one who brought it to my attention in the first place, but I’ve heard it from others as well.”
Janeway smiled at the absurdity. “If there’s one thing cadets love more than anything it’s gossip. I would have thought Miral outgrew that—“
“—It’s Seven,” B'Elanna injected. “You’ve made a holo program with a Seven character.”
Though she couldn’t see her reaction personally, Janeway was sure all the blood had drained from her face at the allegation. She had taken every precaution, had thoroughly concealed her tracks, and had even used Borg encryption codes to keep intruders out, so how was it that someone had not only discovered what she was doing but with whom she was doing it with? Regardless, this was her personal business and , despite her respect for B'Elanna, she wasn’t about to indulge the biggest gossip she knew with a secret so huge everyone would surely be talking about it.
“That’s quite an interesting rumor,” she said when she was sure her voice would be steady, “but I assure you it’s nothing more than that- a rumor.”
“Alright.” B'Elanna was unconvinced but deferred to Janeway’s need for privacy on such a delicate matter. She was surprised when she first began hearing the rumors, yet on some level she always knew Janeway’s feelings for the former Astrometrics officer wouldn’t die along with Seven’s death.. She was just surprised at how well Janeway had managed to hide it all these years. Until now.
“Have you heard anything about Korath?” Janeway asked in an attempt to steer the subject to something less intrusive.
“The High Council had a lot of questions.”
“What did you tell them?”
“The truth…with a Klingon twist.” B'Elanna smiled and explained her dealings with the council and how she suggested it would be wise for them to consider Korath’s house for consideration upon Admiral Janeway’s recommendation.
“Do you think it will work?”
“I’m just the Federation liaison but I’d like to think I have some influence. You still haven’t told me why you’re trying to help Korath.”
“He’s an old friend.”
B'Elanna’s smile vanished as she was again reminded of her missing daughter. “Would this ‘old friend’ have anything to do with the mission you sent my daughter on?”
“Sorry, B'Elanna. You know I can’t talk about that.”
“Couldn’t you at least have waited until after the reunion? She really wanted to be here.”
“She’ll be home soon. I promise,” Janeway offered, patting B'Elanna’s shoulders in support.
Interrupting the moment, Reg Barclay had tapped a champagne glass and everyone turned their attention in his direction.
“Ten years ago tonight, this crew returned home from the longest away mission in Starfleet’s history. Twenty-three years together made you a family—one I’m proud to have been adopted by. So let’s raise our glasses to the journey.”
Everyone in the room happily raised their glasses and joined him. “To the journey!”
“And to those who aren’t here to celebrate it with us,” Janeway added. The mood in the room suddenly grew somber at the mention of their missing comrades and she could feel B'Elanna’s gaze pierce into her, knowing exactly who she was referring to above all else, but she refused to look her way. Instead, she sipped her champagne, silently wishing Seven was here to enjoy this, before making her rounds through the rest of the crowd.
The evening wore on rather quickly and people had begun to filter out. Janeway had a rather early morning tomorrow, that being her first day as the guest lecturer for the newest cadets, and she wanted to be well prepared. She began saying her goodbyes, trying to act as normal as possible. She had no idea what was going to happen regarding her upcoming mission, but the worst case scenario was that she would never see these people again and that made these final goodbyes so much more intense.
The Doctor was easy. She had barely spoken to the man this evening but knew she would be seeing him again to ask for the experimental drug if Miral had succeeded in her mission. Harry and Tom were a bit harder to deal with. They joked continuously with her and it reminded her of how they had been back on Voyager. Some boys never grow up, she thought as she hugged them hard.
And then there was B'Elanna. Their relationship had certainly grown stronger over the years, and they respected each other deeply, both professionally and personally. It wasn’t until Miral had entered the Academy that she began to consider B'Elanna more than a member of her former crew. B'Elanna had become her friend, and would be missed dearly if things didn’t work out and she never returned along with Voyager.
“Are you alright, Kathryn?” B'Elanna asked after being alerted by the strongest hug Janeway ever offered her. She recognized something was definitely amiss with the Admiral tonight. Thirty-three years they had known each other, and in all that time she could count on one hand the number of times she had called Janeway by her first name. The gesture was strange but necessary.
“Yes. I just get weepy at these reunions.” She watched as B'Elanna carefully studied her. “It was good to see you again, B'Elanna.” She turned to leave and managed to take a couple steps before B'Elanna spoke again.
“Say hi to her for me. I miss her.”
Janeway reacted to the heartfelt words without much thought. “Don’t worry, B'Elanna. Miral will be home soon.”
“I’m not talking about Miral.”
In that brief flash, something serious had passed between them and Janeway knew she hadn’t deceived her friend after all. Not much got by B'Elanna, but she trusted the woman enough not to reveal her secret. Then she smiled at how intuitive the Klingon was, realizing that she probably knew more than she admitted. “I will.”
Early the next morning Admiral Janeway sat listening to Barclay speak with the eager cadets about his expectations over the course of the term and topics to be covered, but it wasn’t until he had introduced her as the guest lecturer that everyone showed some enthusiasm. Apparently, ten years after her return did nothing to slow down the demand for her lecturing when it pertained to the Borg.
She politely spoke with a couple of cadets who had questions, but when a female cadet had mentioned Seven’s involvement in Unimatrix Zero Janeway’s heart nearly stopped. Assimilation, transwarp technology, hell, even the Borg Queen herself. Any of those things she could talk about, but not Seven. Not today. Not when she was expecting word from Ensign Paris that would make or break her only chance to bring Seven back.
“I’d…uh…prefer not to discuss Seven of Nine,” she said, barely getting the words out. And then as if the universe had heard her plea, another officer whispered to her that she had an incoming message from Miral Paris and she promptly excused her to take the transmission.
Eager to find out one way or another, she raced to her office with crossed fingers and activated her console.
“Sorry to pull you out of class, Admiral,” Miral said.
“Did you see it?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“And?”
“It works.”
Janeway smiled. The best news she heard in a long time. “Korath has agreed to the exchange?”
“Yes…” Miral hesitated.
“…But?”
“He’s insisting on handing it over to you personally.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can. Good work, Ensign Paris.”
Janeway ended the transmission and glanced out the window at the news, hoping somehow she could find the strength to pull this off and make everything work out. While this was definitely good news, nothing ever seemed to go as simply as it could. She had a lot of work ahead of her and only a short amount of time to do it, including persuading The Doctor to administer her the chronexaline. Saying goodbye to Tuvok was surely going to be difficult as well. And then there was Seven. Things were moving ahead full speed and she hadn’t expected to be leaving so soon. She knew she would be seeing Seven last, but now that the plan was laid out before her, suddenly she began having second thoughts. Luckily, she had the rest of the day to prepare herself for the second biggest heartbreak in her life, second only to Seven’s death twenty-three years ago.
*******************
A goddess. That’s what she looked like. The long golden hair and creamy complexion had faded somewhat over the years, replaced by strands of paler blond mixed with gray and fine lines that only came with time, but underneath all that she was still a goddess. Janeway remained silent as she watched Seven regenerate in her alcove for a few moments. The former Borg didn’t need to regenerate, but that’s one of the things Janeway remembered her doing so that’s exactly how she programmed Seven’s holomatrix. Her personality was the same too. No one would ever guess that someone so arrogant and cold could ever have someone love her the way Kathryn loved Seven, but no one saw Seven’s true beauty like Kathryn did either. Her innocence and childlike mannerisms warmed Kathryn’s heart, but it was Seven’s unique method of standing up and challenging Janeway’s authority like no one else had while remaining wholeheartedly devoted to her mentor that captured her heart. It was that arrogance that oftentimes drove Janeway crazy with fury while simultaneously making her mad with love. It was part of who Seven was and Kathryn wouldn’t want it any other way. Anyone else would have have made any number of tweaks to the holomatrix to recreate Seven to be more adaptable, less problematic so to speak, but that would have changed who Seven was and Janeway programmed the bad along with all the good. She had some headaches over the years with Seven, but twenty-three years later she was glad she left the challenging aspects of Seven’s behavior intact.
“Hello, Kathryn,” Seven said, stepping from the alcove and startling Janeway.
“Seven! You shouldn’t sneak up on people like that.”
“I apologize if I surprised you, but I did not ‘sneak up’ on you.”
Janeway smiled. “You’re right.” She leaned in and kissed Seven tenderly.
“How was the party?”
“Nice. A few new faces…Naomi’s daughter is getting so big…” Janeway trailed off, leaving a hint of sadness in the air.
Seven picked up on immediately but chose to wait for Kathryn to bring up its cause. “Did Mr. Kim make it this year?”
“Yes, Harry’s back. It’s still hard for me to believe he’s a full fledged captain now. It seems like only yesterday he was a green ensign fresh out of the Academy. Where did the time go?”
Seven could only purse her lips and shake her head.
“B'Elanna says hi.”
Seven smiled at the news and wished she could somehow return the greeting, but she knew the circumstances involved. If anyone had found out about her existence, Kathryn would be in trouble and that was a risk she wasn’t willing to take. Instead, she spent her time working on various projects Janeway assigned her, and when she needed a social outlet beyond what Kathryn could provide they would visit another holosimulation. It wasn’t the ideal situation for either of them in the beginning- Seven being cooped up on the holodeck when she knew The Doctor had free roam with his mobile emitter while Janeway had the guilt of forcing Seven to remain behind closed doors, but it allowed them to be together, which was all they both wanted. One time, in an attempt to celebrate one of their anniversaries, Kathryn had “borrowed” The Doctor’s emitter so Seven could spend the night at her home, but when he couldn’t find it the next day and created an uproar at Starfleet Headquarters over the missing item they both decided it was too risky to try again and haven’t borrowed it since.
“I heard from Miral,” Janeway admitted.
“I suspected you had.” Seven reached over and pulled Janeway into a warm embrace, silently conveying that whatever the news was, whatever they needed to do from this point on to make the mission a success, they would face it together. Kathryn tensed at the hug though, and Seven pulled away. She knew these past few days were intense for Janeway. So much depended on the success of one woman, and the lack of control it entailed with nothing to do but wait was something Kathryn Janeway was not familiar with. She had always made it her mission to lead others, to take control, yet with a mission as important as this she was forced to sit on the sidelines and wait. Seven could see Kathryn’s jaw tighten as she stared out into nothingness. She knew her lover well enough to know when she was fighting with herself, struggling, perhaps even holding something back.
“You appear to be upset. Would you like to talk about it?”
“I’m not sure I can go through with this. There’s too much at stake.”
Seven understood completely. “I see you are still battling with this decision,” she began. She cupped Janeway’s chin and tilted her face upward, forcing the older woman to look at her. “Kathryn, if you cannot do this then don’t. Ultimately it is your decision, but I have seen you struggle every day and slowly decay over the years. Do you really want to continue on this path when you have the opportunity to change it all within reach?”
“You don’t understand, Seven. There will be serious repercussions. Everything is going to change if I do this.”
“And who is to say things won’t change for the better? You’ve seen what happens if you do nothing.”
“I’m not even sure it will work,” Janeway explained. “Until I see it with my own eyes this is all speculation.”
“You are making excuses, Kathryn. We’ve run nineteen simulations with the same results each time. The device will work. You can bring Voyager home again.”
Kathryn closed her eyes and leaned into Seven’s embrace. Home. The word was so foreign to her.
“What if my younger self won’t listen. She can be stubborn and pigheaded—”
“You mean you are stubborn and pigheaded,” Seven corrected with a gentle smile. “Luckily you have two things working in your favor, Kathryn. Your strong persuasive power…and my younger self. If she loves Captain Janeway half as much as I love you then she will be a strong ally in your corner. You can do this. You just have to believe it will work.”
Kathryn looked deep into Seven’s eyes. “I won’t see you again.”
“Of course you will. I’ll be on Voyager when you arrive.”
“No you won’t. Seven of Nine will be there, but she isn’t you.” Kathryn allowed the words to sink into her own heart, and she closed her eyes at the pain they brought. Suddenly, the realization that this was nothing but a simulation began weighing heavily on her. Nothing but photons and matrices created for her pleasure. She pulled away from Seven and walked to the console away from the alcove feeling empty and alone. She understood it wasn’t real, that none of it mattered, yet as hard as she tried to withdraw from the situation she was still drawn to this place. To this woman. Her heart belonged here. With Seven.
Seven followed her over but remained just out of reach, giving Janeway enough personal space so she wouldn’t feel threatened at such a vulnerable time. “If you believe that Captain Janeway is your younger self, that you share her thoughts and feelings, then why is it so hard to believe that Seven of Nine is so different from me?”
“I don’t,” Janeway admitted after a moment had passed. “I guess I never forgot the pain of her death, how everything had turned to hell after that day, and there is no way I can get Captain Janeway to understand what’s at stake without telling her the events of what’s to come for her if she continues on her current path.”
“The temporal prime directive.” Suddenly things began making sense for Seven. “You are afraid that if you tell her what lies in her future she will try to change it her own way, possibly even attempting to destroy the transwarp hub and permanently stranding Voyager and yourself in the Delta Quadrant for you to relive those events.”
Janeway flashed a crooked smile. Seven had hit the nail right on the head. She closed the distance between them and hugged the younger woman. “How’d you get to be so smart?”
“Undoubtedly it is your influence,” Seven joked and happily accepted the kiss Kathryn offered for the sweet compliment. “Have you given any further thought to Plan B?”
Plan B. Assimilation was not the ideal way to go out and both women knew it. However, Janeway accepted that if that was the only choice left for her she would have to take it.
“I have. It’s a last resort, not something I’m looking forward to if it comes to that, but I want to make things right so badly I’m willing to…” she wanted to say she was willing to die for Seven, but the words got caught in her throat and never made it out.
Seven knew what she was going to say too and the seriousness of the situation suddenly came into view. “Kathryn, you said you would not see me again if you did this, but that is not true.” She took Janeway’s hand and placed it on the older woman’s own chest just above her heart before covering it with her own. “I will exist in here always. You can’t get rid of me, you will not lose me, and most importantly you will not destroy what we have. I love you, and that is something that will never change.”
Kathryn felt the tears begin to well in her eyes, and when a stray tear had escaped at the love filled emotion overflowing inside her, Seven reached over and kissed her tenderly. The kiss was gentle and warm but communicated so much more than words alone. She knew she was making the right decision. Yes, she was afraid, but with Seven in her corner, and in her heart, she could pull this off and bring Voyager home within days. She was ready.
“I’m leaving tonight to see Korath,” she said when they parted.
Seven’s only response was a brief nod.
“I am going to miss you so much, Seven.”
“Remember what I said Kathryn. I will always love you. No matter what.”
Janeway was going to need those words in a few days. They might be her only strength. When the emotion became too strong for her to block, she pulled Seven to her and hugged her hard and long, memorizing every detail about her touch, her smell, the way she felt under Kathryn’s own touch. They had a long history together, a lifetime of laughter and love, yet in a sense their life together was just beginning. She closed her eyes a final time and squeezed Seven harder as if to say goodbye.
“Computer…delete program.”
And in a flash everything faded and turned to steel tones and blankness, cold and empty. That was how she felt when she first began running this simulation, but it was far from how she felt now. She loved Seven. Seven loved her. That was all there was in her world, and she took her first steps toward introducing Captain Janeway to a wonderful life ahead of her.