The room was dimly light, giving the appearance this would be a romantic dinner for two. Candles adorned the table, two glasses waited the wine that chilled in the bucket near the finely decorated table, soft music played in the background, and the vegetarian lasagna recipe was programmed into the replicator. All that was missing was the guest. This dinner’s true intention, however, wasn’t romantic, but the attempt to rekindle a good friendship gone bad.
For weeks, Captain Kathryn Janeway and Commander Chakotay had lost their connection to each other. Chakotay thought Janeway had gone from a woman obsessed with getting her lost crew home to a woman whose only thoughts centered on her Astrometrics officer, Seven of Nine. Janeway thought Chakotay became jealous when she confessed to him her romantic involvement with the former Borg drone. Whatever the cause, one thing was certain: Seven was the root of their problems and things couldn’t continue this way. Something, or someone, was going to have to break.
Janeway stood back and admired her hard work in creating this dinner perfect. As she put the finishing touches on the table by lighting the candles, the soft chime at the door alerted her to Chakotay’s arrival. She had invited Chakotay to her quarters on numerous occasions in the past, but something about this night made her nervous. She took a quick final glance around the room, making certain everything was perfect and when she realized she was behaving like a schoolgirl on her first date, she took a deep breath, forcing air into her lungs, and eventually relaxed a bit.
She greeted the handsome man at the door with a hug. Although both were dressed in casual attire, Janeway a spring dress and Chakotay knit pants and a cream colored shirt, their postures remained like statues, unyielding to the welcoming gesture of the hug.
He offered her some flowers and she blushed with embarrassment. “Peace offering,” he told her, and both walked to the couch for some small talk before the meal. Their relationship had strained to the point that both agreed it would be beneficial to the crew if they worked different duty shifts and so their only communication, aside from staff meetings, was via written reports passed on by a third party.
“How have you been?” Janeway asked sincerely.
“Just fine, yourself?” Chakotay replied. His answer was quick to follow but left a lingering in the air.
“Not too bad,” Janeway paused, waiting for him to add more but he didn’t. “I hear the night shift has been kind to you. Rumor has it Lt. Ashmore and you are becoming quite the item.”
Chakotay’s features reddened. “Only a rumor, Kathryn. I wouldn’t give it too much merit.”
The tension in the room right now could be cut with a knife. Words were few and far between. Although they sat within arms reach, the distance was too much to bear. Finally, Chakotay spoke the words they both wanted the answer to, “What’s happened to us, Kathryn?”
“What do you mean?” She knew exactly what he meant, but felt the problem rested with him so naturally the answer should lie with him as well.
“We’re hardly speaking. And when we do, we argue. We used to be good friends, valued colleagues, but now…” He shook his head in uncertainty and left the thought to linger.
“I know what you mean, Chakotay. All I can say is there is a problem we have to work through or this will be a long trip home.” Janeway wasn’t about to spend the next fifty years it took to get home with her First Officer and once close friend not speaking to her anymore. “May I be honest with you?”
Chakotay was taken aback. In all the years they had known each other, if nothing else, Kathryn was always honest with him. “Of course, Kathryn.”
“I feel that our problems started about a month ago, do you agree?”
Chakotay thought for a minute and agreed. It had been nearly four weeks since Neelix’s spring fair celebrating the end of the winter season and the party he hosted that particular weekend was talked about for days afterward. He remembered it well: singing, dancing, a musical performance by some of Voyager’s crew, including Harry Kim, and the most memorable part of the weekend was the night Kathryn cried in his arms, confessing to him her love for Seven after an argument she had recently had with the young woman. He would never forget Kathryn’s face, how beautiful she looked, how radiant she was even through her tears and how she glowed when she said those words, “Chakotay, I’m in love with her.” He would never forget the feeling in his stomach either, as if he had been punched or stabbed a hundred times over, realizing he had lost the woman he secretly loved from afar, and how he would never get her back because she knew when Kathryn Janeway committed to something, it was for the long haul. His heart ached now when he thought about it, but he had to get past this, for both of their sakes.
“You’re right, Kathryn.” He wanted to elaborate but he wasn’t ready to betray his own heart, not just yet.
Janeway studied his expression, trying to read his mind, or at least find out what he was feeling. Instead, all she could gather from him was a blank expression. She knew he was hurting, and she knew it was related to Seven of Nine, but she had no idea the how bad the extent of it was. She knew he had never wanted Seven on the ship. He never trusted her. Why should he? From the very beginning, when she was still a full Borg drone, she claimed she would betray the crew to get back to the collective. But he never got to know her the way I did, she thought as she remembered that threat Seven made. Upon recollection of their problem’s foundation, Kathryn became positive he was hiding a secret love for Seven, a love that originated somewhere between the beginnings of her reclamation to her humanity and the present, but she didn’t know for sure when it developed. Perhaps it was over time, like it was with her, or maybe there was one moment he realized it. Normally, she wouldn’t push the issue if he didn’t want to discuss it with her, but they had a lot to work out tonight. And when she confessed her love for the Borg that night she had probably dealt him a blow he hadn’t expected. Now they had to clear the air. She reached over to touch his hand in that motherly way she so often portrayed. “Chakotay, I know you’re in love with Seven, and if my being in a relationship with her is bothersome to you, let me know how we can work it out.”
Softly he smiled and chuckled to himself. “I’m not in love with Seven.”
“Chakotay, it’s me,” she reassured him. “You don’t have to pretend anymore. I know you’re in love with Seven.”
It was time. His head was fighting him every step of the way but his heart wanted to reach out to Kathryn right now. He wanted to tell her about all the nights he spent thinking about her, about all the times his heart skipped a beat when she flashed her smile at him on the bridge. He loved the way she took command of a dangerous encounter with a hostile alien species and came out on the winning end. He spent countless hours picturing her face in his mind when she was off duty, wishing she was there beside him. He even walked past her quarters late at night, pausing at the door to touch it, hoping to feel the warmth that radiated from within because she was in there. It wasn’t until recently that he stopped taking those walks because he would often hear cries of pleasure from within that only tore his heart apart when he heard her calling the name that was not his. She had chosen another over him, another to love and be loved by, another to share secrets, laughs, special looks, and gentle kisses with, and it was more than he could bear. “Captain, I assure you, I am not in love with Seven.” He sounded convincing, and why wouldn’t he? It was true. It wasn’t Seven he was in love with. He looked deep into her blue eyes and fell victim to the spell she unknowingly cast on him. “I’m in love with you, Kathryn.”
Janeway was stunned. In her entire life she had only three lovers, and now she had two people in love with her at the same time. She was convinced the universe was playing a joke on her. For a brief second she even considered the thought that Q might be involved, but that was too farfetched. She sat on the couch speechless when Chakotay finally stood up.
“I’ve put you in an uncomfortable position, Captain. I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m just a little surprised. Why didn’t you say something sooner?” Janeway was certain they could have worked this out if she had known rather than let their relationship deteriorate to the point it had.
“It doesn’t matter.” Chakotay stood silent and reflected upon the words he confessed to Janeway. It wasn’t his plan to come here this evening and confess his desires. He merely wanted to clear the air so things could get back to normal. “Captain, I would like to request some time off. I must go on a spirit quest.”
Janeway shook out of her confusion. “Yes, of course. Take all the time you need.”
They held hands and both walked away from the couch, leaving behind a past and heading into a new future for both of them. Dinner together tonight, they realized, was no longer an option.
Janeway escorted her guest from the room. When they reached the door, she reached up to gently touch his arm and said, “Commander, I’m sorry things haven’t worked out better for us.”
“No, Kathryn, you aren’t. To say that would imply you are sorry you became involved with Seven.” He reached up to cup her face and continued, “I can see a change in you this past month. You are happier than I’ve ever seen you be. It’s as if you have a new purpose. Your love for her is very strong, and I can see she loves you equally as much. I’ve been selfish. The attraction we have is only one sided, but the love we share is a love of friends. Nothing more.” He kissed her forehead. “Go to her now, Kathryn.” He turned without waiting for her reply and began the long journey back to his quarters, back to his life without Kathryn.
As the doors hissed close, Kathryn turned around to look at the room. Two glasses waited to be filled with wine. The candles were lit but no one sat at the table for two. Soft music still played in the background, and ironically the selection playing now was an instrumental of an old Earth song from the 20th Century group The Beatles titled “And I Love Her.” She had heard this song on Tom’s jukebox and felt it described her life perfectly at this moment. “Computer, locate Seven of Nine.”
“Seven of Nine is in Cargo Bay 2.”
Janeway gathered up the glasses, the wine, and the dishes. She put together a picnic basket of food containing the lasagna, some cheesecake, and strawberries and cream, which was Seven’s favorite. She knew things were going to be all right again between her and Chakotay. It was just going to take a little time, but things would eventually work themselves out. They always did. She also knew that Seven was the one she wanted to spend the rest of the night with. Not talking about problems, but talking about futures. Theirs. Kathryn blew out the candles and walked to Cargo Bay 2, quietly humming the last song she heard all the way.
The End